Unraveled
by Topsy
Summary: Kate Beckett wants to break down her walls, just for one night.


**Author's Note:** This story takes place after 4x01, but it's not a post-ep fic. It takes place sometime in the near future, like… the next month or two. It's up to you, really.

Thanks to Jess for being a kick-ass beta! :)

**Summary:** Kate Beckett wants to break down her walls, just for one night.

P.S. HOW AWESOME WAS THE SEASON PREMIERE?

* * *

Kate Beckett stood with her forehead pressed against the door to Richard Castle's loft. It was late, sometime after midnight, yet there she was, fighting a battle with herself on whether to knock. She wanted to see him with a fierceness that surprised her. After the horrific case they'd had that day, all she wanted was to be with someone who understood, someone who'd been there and could just… hold on to her. Keep her grounded in the light, and out of the darkness that threatened to open up and swallow her whole.

There was too much darkness in her life already.

But there were so many things in the way. So many things had been said between the two of them, and so many things left unsaid. She didn't know where to begin.

What she'd told him was true. After her mother died, she'd built a wall that she'd been hiding behind ever since. It was a structure built for safety and she _needed_ it. But right now, she also needed _him._

If she went in to his apartment, if she let herself need him, it would make what she had said a lie. But it wasn't a lie. It was a contradiction, a battle of emotions inside of her.

A battle she wasn't going to win.

Kate slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She lifted it up, and without giving herself another chance to second guess herself, she pressed 'Call' under his name in the contact list and lifted the phone to her ear.

"Castle," he answered, and his voice was soft, weary, but not thick with sleep. He was awake.

"Come let me in," she whispered. She wanted to turn around and run; dive behind the wall she'd built.

She heard rustling on the other end of the phone, and then, "What? You're here, at the loft?"

"Yes."

"I'll be right there." He hung up the phone.

Her heart pounded and her throat went dry. She squeezed her eyes shut, and left her head pressed against the door. She wondered if she was making a mistake.

She knew she was.

She lifted her head when she heard his footsteps just beyond the door, but didn't move back. When he pulled open the door, she couldn't meet his gaze. She didn't want to see the… the love that she knew would be shining there. He didn't try to hide it anymore. And she couldn't face it knowing she was going to do something that might hurt him.

"Come in, Kate," he said, his voice low. He reached out and circled her wrist with his hand before pulling her gently inside. He let go of her when she was close in front of him and the door was shut behind her, but he didn't make any other movements. He just stood there, sharing her space quietly.

She bit her lip and went to war with the tears that threatened to swell in her eyes. She would _not_ cry.

"Castle," she whispered, her throat closing of its own volition. She could barely get his name past her lips.

He reached in, put his hands on her shoulders, and pulled her close. He whispered a kiss across her forehead, and then just held her.

Something snapped inside of her, and she nearly choked on the tears. But she _refused_ to let them fall. Her breathing came out in short, labored gasps, and she dug her fingers into his back.

"Shh," he murmured. "It's okay now." He rubbed his hands in slow, smooth circles across her back, and waited.

She struggled with her thoughts, and her emotions, trying to piece herself back together. She didn't want to fall apart, not like this. It wasn't fair, to either of them. She needed to stay behind that wall.

The thought of that broke her heart. She wanted to smash it, rip it apart with her bare hands. But she wouldn't, because tomorrow she'd want it back. And if she tore it down, Castle wouldn't let her build it back up. And she wasn't ready for that.

Maybe tonight she could build a window, just so he could see through for a little while.

Kate finally pulled back to meet his gaze, for the first time realizing he was in his pajamas. She reached down, and plucked at a piece of fuzz on his t-shirt. "You were in bed," she whispered.

"I was, but couldn't sleep. Too much going on in here," he replied, and tapped the side of his head.

She tilted her head in acknowledgement. "Same here."

He simply nodded, and waited for her. He wouldn't ask, she knew. He wouldn't make any move, because she'd told him about the wall and she'd placed him on the opposite side from her. If she'd learned anything about Castle over the last few weeks, it was that he listened now, and stayed where she put him. That thought made her want to cry all over again.

He was no longer the same man he was before she was shot. There was something more serious, much darker around the edges of him. She hated knowing she had a hand in putting it there.

"Kate," he whispered, interrupting her thoughts. He reached up to cup her jaw. When she lifted her eyes to meet his, she could see that he was worried about her, that he knew she was struggling with something.

She closed her eyes against the sea of emotions she saw in his. "I just…" She paused, biting her lower lip hard, just shy of actually drawing blood. She needed to get herself under control. "I need…" She stopped.

She should go. She really should. She should get the hell out of there before she did something so stupid that it ruined them for good.

Kate was just about to pull away, to make an excuse and walk out the door, but he stopped her when he released her just long enough to grab her hand and thread his fingers through hers.

"Come on," he murmured, and started walking to his bedroom. She followed him partially because she was surprised, but mostly because she was too weak to stop herself. She _wanted_ this; needed _him._

He drew her into the darkness of his bedroom, and closed the door behind them. He didn't bother to turn on a light, just led her to the bed.

"Hop in."

"Castle." She tried once more to resist. She knew this was a bad idea, but she wasn't going to be able to stop herself. He would have to do it for her.

"Kate, this is what you need. Hell, this is what _I_ need, after today. Just… Get in, okay?"

Castle slid under the covers, and moved to the far side of the bed. Then he held out his hand and waited.

She could barely see his face in the blackness of the room, and realized that that was probably a good thing. As vulnerable as she felt, it made it easier to stay on her side of the wall, even as she felt it crumbling around her.

She slipped onto the bed, drawing the blankets up over her. And then she hesitated.

Castle didn't. He reached for her, pulling her against the front of his body. "Relax," he murmured, his breath ruffling her hair.

So she did. She pressed the long line of her body against the front of him, and burrowed in. She was going to take what he was so sweetly giving her. Just for tonight.

Kate wondered how he instinctively knew that she just wanted to be held. She wanted to kiss him for knowing her so well. She buried her face in his chest instead and took a deep, shuddering breath, before she began to tremble. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and the words were heavy with meaning.

He squeezed her. "Tomorrow, Kate, we'll get the brick and mortar and get back to work."

In that moment, she realized he understood. He knew exactly what she was struggling with, knew exactly what she needed, and how she would feel about it the next day.

Yet, he was the one making a huge sacrifice, even if he needed this as much as she did. He was the one who stood to get hurt from her actions.

But she couldn't stop herself.

"Don't let go, okay?" Her arms went tight around his waist, and she felt the tears she had been fighting earlier start to fall.

"I won't," he murmured.

And Kate knew she didn't deserve him.

* * *

The next morning, Castle woke to the sound of his alarm ringing through the bedroom. He reached over and slapped it off, and then rolled onto his back, never opening his eyes throughout the entire move.

Because he already knew.

He knew he was alone, without even having to look. He didn't _feel_ her anymore. He didn't feel the weight of her on the bed, he didn't smell her, and he couldn't hear her breathing. He knew she was gone.

So he analyzed how that made him feel.

He loved her with an intensity that shook him to the core. He wanted her with every single fiber of his being. He needed her in his life just to survive.

She'd told him that she lived behind a wall, guarded her heart because she didn't want to feel pain like she had after her mother died. She'd put him directly on the other side of that wall and told him he was to stay there, until they'd found her mother's killer. He was prepared to do what she asked, even if that meant he would have to wait forever. Even if she never forgave him for the fact that he was investigating her mother's murder behind her back.

He understood what she'd been saying to him that day on the swings. He knew, without a doubt, that the relationship she said she wanted was one with him. So… he would wait for as long as it took.

And because he understood that, he knew that her actions the previous night had not been meant to hurt him. It was merely a foreshadowing of their relationship to come.

She'd been unable to resist her need for comfort, for him. And he knew that he'd needed the same from her. So if she wanted to go back behind the wall, and reset those boundaries, he would be a good boy and do the same. Because he had hope for the future.

Castle opened his eyes and was not disappointed when he didn't find her next to him. He hadn't expected to – not last night, and not this morning. And now that he was sure of his feelings, he was okay. He would get up, get dressed, go to the precinct, and start the day off just like any other.

But then he spied the piece of paper lying on her pillow. His brow furrowed as he reached for it.

The sheet had been torn from the notebook on the desk in his office and it held only two words: _Thank you._

He grinned, his mouth stretching from ear to ear, and he reached for his phone on the bedside table.

* * *

Kate was riding the elevator up to her apartment when her phone chimed. Her nerves made her chew on her lip before reaching into her pocket to see what he said – because she _knew_ it was him.

She opened the text, and then a smile broke wide on her face as relief tumbled through her. The text was simple, containing only one word: _Always._

* * *

**End Note:** I know I didn't put anything in here about the "hard case" they were working on, but I didn't really think it was necessary. You have imaginations, so think of something that would make them need each other, and wa-la! There you have it. Haha.

I hope you like it. This popped into my head shortly after the episode, partially due to a song I was listening to. The song isn't important, because it's nothing like this, not really, but it just inspired me (as did that AWESOME season premiere.)

Enjoy!

Oh! And… I haven't forgotten about my other fic, I promise. The last chapter is giving me some trouble and this one popped into my head, so I wanted to write it. I will get the other one finished hopefully tonight.


End file.
